one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
