i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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