I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
