I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
