Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
