I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Randomize
