hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
