Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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