We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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