That reminds me...we need to get swords
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
