Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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