my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
