were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
