he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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