she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
