I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
