By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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