theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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