cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
