you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
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It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize