Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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