Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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