I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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