This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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