She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize