i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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