My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Randomize
