Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Your penis caused this!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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