There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
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