i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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