does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Randomize
