So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
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