paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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