A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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