don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
