Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
