youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
