All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
