i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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