Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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