how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I supernannyed him into submission
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
