New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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