The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
