Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize