my phone needs a breathalizer
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
