Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
