Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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