Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
