we're blogging at a bar
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
