I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
