Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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