I like to think it a success when the cops are called
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
