I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
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Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
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her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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