I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
