You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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