Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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