I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
