Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Randomize
