You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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