Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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