A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
