So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
