Ketchup is God's man juice
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I just googled if crying burns calories
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
