bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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