everyone is single if you try hard enough
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
