Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
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