Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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