I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Randomize
