I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
