Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
