i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
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you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
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Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.