i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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