Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire