Texts From Last Night

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  (313): View more from Michigan

  you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.

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  (313): you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones. http://tfl.nu/7zc6
  Replies (3) Good night (4483) Bad night (944)
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet

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  (506): it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet http://tfl.nu/6nks
  Replies (9) Good night (1005) Bad night (4398)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."

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  (925): While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me." http://tfl.nu/vnft
  Replies (42) Good night (8087) Bad night (1984)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.

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  (919): Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk. http://tfl.nu/sxlu
  Replies (11) Good night (1256) Bad night (5345)
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?

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  (775): Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy? http://tfl.nu/1eeo
  Replies (33) Good night (4943) Bad night (2382)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party

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  (330): Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party http://tfl.nu/m7il
  Replies (4) Good night (2129) Bad night (792)
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.

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  (562): He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break. http://tfl.nu/ad1k
  Replies (16) Good night (2468) Bad night (799)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts

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  (+61): As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts http://tfl.nu/kck3
  Replies (9) Good night (2151) Bad night (583)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.

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  (415): i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus. http://tfl.nu/s77k
  Replies (4) Good night (1176) Bad night (552)
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  How festive

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  (778): 4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee (604): How festive http://tfl.nu/8kx6
  Replies (11) Good night (781) Bad night (1958)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.

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  (480): He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart. http://tfl.nu/1a7j
  Replies (6) Good night (1165) Bad night (421)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!

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  (970): My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July! http://tfl.nu/cs3x
  Replies (1) Good night (549) Bad night (376)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.

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  (919): Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut. http://tfl.nu/igax
  Replies (6) Good night (423) Bad night (900)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.

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  (561): It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him. http://tfl.nu/0htu
  Replies (2) Good night (382) Bad night (679)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out

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  (406): I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out http://tfl.nu/eqat
  Replies (3) Good night (378) Bad night (561)

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