Texts From Last Night

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  (478): View more from Georgia

  i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick

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  (478): i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick http://tfl.nu/86s0
  Replies (14) Good night (621) Bad night (2624)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Ohh that happened after I started to cry.

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  (604): I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous? (778): Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely. (604): Ohh that happened after I started to cry. http://tfl.nu/giil
  Replies (14) Good night (997) Bad night (4483)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  Bisexual people are plain selfish.

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  (419): Bisexual people are plain selfish. http://tfl.nu/ksuw
  Replies (53) Good night (3963) Bad night (1021)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.

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  (708): Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected. http://tfl.nu/ilck
  Replies (53) Good night (1313) Bad night (10847)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us

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  (304): Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us http://tfl.nu/9jfi
  Replies (4) Good night (2629) Bad night (811)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.

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  (503): So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep. http://tfl.nu/t5yr
  Replies (5) Good night (2037) Bad night (735)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.

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  (850): I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas. http://tfl.nu/47ku
  Replies (4) Good night (1265) Bad night (781)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister

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  (615): I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister http://tfl.nu/e4ue
  Replies (6) Good night (1463) Bad night (689)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes

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  (904): I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes http://tfl.nu/m9rc
  Replies (2) Good night (876) Bad night (550)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.

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  (217): sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar. http://tfl.nu/imgt
  Replies (4) Good night (1453) Bad night (644)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM

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  (+44): IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM http://tfl.nu/pr8f
  Replies (3) Good night (878) Bad night (485)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"

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  (717): This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick" http://tfl.nu/axax
  Replies (2) Good night (655) Bad night (328)
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  (320): View more from Minnesota

  Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs

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  (320): Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs http://tfl.nu/s3ur
  Replies (4) Good night (497) Bad night (382)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.

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  (509): The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by. http://tfl.nu/ohjn
  Replies (3) Good night (721) Bad night (295)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!

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  (904): Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday! http://tfl.nu/ki05
  Replies (2) Good night (509) Bad night (300)

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