after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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