God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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