the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize