Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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