Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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