420 ftw
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
